the rain and the trees...

it's been less than a week now since we found out Saehee was diagnosed with Trisomy 18.

the shock took a few days to subside as Boo and I wandered aimlessly through our apartment, fighting off waves of crying while attempting some semblances of normalcy by taking short walks around the neighborhood.

and while the weather hasn't cooperated--providing us cold, dreary, rain-soaked days--there are still some nice blossoms on the small side streets near our apartment. on our walk today, these blossoms provided boo a nice moment of reprieve to see something beautiful amidst the murkiness we've been swimming in this past week.

in having this death sentence of a defect passed down on our daughter, we've been overwhelmed with the grief, sadness, hopelessness and fear which comes with it. there have been brief waves of laughter and quiet stillness---mostly giving way to fits of anger, grasping fear, and troubled discussions about what to do next. we've put away our baby books...stopped talking about which stroller to buy...and we've ended all the conversations about joyfully playing with our baby this coming fall.

through it all, i've been most overwhelmed by the support from friends around the country and here in DC. even more has been not only the friendship but the companionship shown to us. i guess this is what is meant by genuine Christian community---that words are replaced by action, tears are supplemented by embraces.

tomorrow we'll be back at work trying to move to the next phase in this already long saga of grief. it might become a little easier to walk past someone pushing a stroller. it might be a bit easier to sleep through the night or sit at home without zoning out completely. i'm not sure. i can only hope....hope because i know we'll need the strength to get through the next step, the next pain and sorrow of losing our little girl.