19 hours and long days...

back home now and caught up on sleep (relatively) after sitting with Boo in labor for 19 hours as we waited on the simultaneous birth and death of our daughter.

some moments were surreal--such as arranging funeral details on the phone next to Boo as she began having contractions--and some were just painful--such as waking on a rigid cot at 1:30am to hear the doctor say we were ready for delivery while boo shook with feverish chills.

each hour brought on new challenges...sleeplessness, fatigue, anger, sadness, sickness, confusion...while we sat hearing other babies being born to life in the adjoining rooms. we cried together and sat silently--moving back and forth through emotions and visceral reactions.

it's a time we would like to forget.

problem is: we can't. maybe some day it will slowly fade from our memories--the smells, the noises, the pains, the heartache. but for now we're both left with the memory of 19 hours of misery waiting on the death of our daughter.